Krieger World
by Red Witch
Summary: More fun with Krieger Bots. No wonder the gang was so blasé about them showing up at the end of the season.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone off to a theme park somewhere. Takes place after Dopple Kriegers.**

 **Did you notice that the gang wasn't as shocked as they should have been at the revelation of Krieger's robot clones in Deadly Velvet? Kind of blasé actually. Which means they** _ **knew**_ **about them before the episode. Wouldn't put it past Krieger to create…**

 **Krieger World **

"So…" Cyril sighed as he sat in his office. An open bottle of scotch and a glass was on his desk. "Couple things…"

"This is about my Krieger Bots, isn't it?" Krieger asked. He was sitting on the other side of the desk. Archer, Lana and Ray were there as well.

"Ding! Ding! Ding!" Archer said sarcastically. "Krieger's on the board with two hundred points. Next category: **What the hell were you** _ **thinking**_ for three hundred?"

"Just now or…?" Krieger blinked.

"When you made the robots!" Archer snapped. "The moment when you made the robots knowing that the moment I discovered you were making robots I would dismantle them and stick their robotic feet **literally** up your ass!"

"Uh…" Krieger blinked.

"Not figuratively," Archer interrupted. "Literally!"

"Technically the moment you discovered I had the Krieger Bots was **yesterday,** " Krieger said. "So not **literally** , literally…"

"Oh well I stand corrected," Archer said sarcastically. "Let me just get a screwdriver, a sledgehammer and some lubricant. You know? To make it easier for me to shove…"

"Archer!" Lana interrupted. "Talk now. Shove things in people's asses later."

"Things **you** say on a first date," Ray quipped. "Bada boom **zing**!"

"You know…?" Lana gave Ray a look.

"Can we get back on track here?" Cyril asked. "Krieger what were you **thinking** making robots of yourself?"

"Why **wouldn't** I?" Krieger blinked. "Robots are awesome! Besides you said I couldn't make any clones of myself."

"Which you did!" Cyril shouted.

"I thought you meant only biological clones," Krieger blinked.

" **Any** kind of clones!" Cyril shouted. "Ms. Archer and I didn't want you to make any kind of clones of yourself whatsoever! Biological, robot or **otherwise!** "

"What would the otherwise ones be?" Archer blinked.

"Well there's holograms for starters," Krieger began. "And then…"

"I withdraw the question," Archer interrupted.

"But it's such a fascinating one," Krieger told him.

"A little too fascinating for my tastes," Ray groaned.

"In hindsight, we should have **known** Krieger would do something like this," Archer groaned. "The clues were all there. The latex masks, the toy models. That robot bear Krieger made. As well as all those other robot parts for Ray, Katya and Conway."

"The robot hands skittering all over the place," Lana realized.

"As well as the blueprints for robots Krieger left all over the breakroom," Ray added.

Archer blinked. "Pretty obvious now that I think about it."

"Some detective agency we are," Ray groaned. "We can't figure out the clues that are literally right in front of our faces!"

"So basically Krieger's lab has become Westworld without the cowboy theme," Lana groaned.

"We-ll," Krieger drawled.

Right on cue three Krieger Bots walked in wearing cowboy gear. "Howdy!" They said cheerfully.

" _Why…?"_ Cyril asked Krieger.

"It's cowboy movie night," Krieger shrugged. "Sometimes I like to dress up for movie night."

"Me too!" Ray perked up.

"And who doesn't love a movie themed costume party?" Krieger asked.

"I do!" Ray added.

"For the love of God Krieger," Archer groaned. "Please tell me you aren't showing Westworld."

"The movie or the TV show?" Krieger blinked.

"Both! Either!" Archer snapped.

"Oh no!" Krieger waved. "God no! Actually, tonight's selection is Shakiest Gun In The West, Dirty Dingus Magee and a few choice episodes of Bonanza!"

"What time is this party?" Ray asked. "Do I have time to get my chaps?"

Everyone looked at Ray. "What? You know I like cowboys!" Ray pouted.

"Ray," Lana sighed. "Before you ride off to the It's Okay To Be Gay Corral, we really should discuss the moral implications of these robots."

"Technically they're not robots!" Krieger said. "They're cyborg androids. Capable of rational thought and reason!"

"In the first place Krieger, they're based on **you,"** Archer said. "So there goes the whole rational thought and reason theory."

"You know…?" Krieger gave Archer a look.

"I just think we have to guard ourselves against the inevitable fact that those robots are going to turn on us!" Archer snapped.

"Archer," Ray gave him a look. "They have **Krieger's** personality. Remember?"

"So?" Archer asked. "What are you getting at Ray?"

"I'll handle this…" Cyril sighed. "Krieger could you demonstrate your Krieger cyborgs' attack mode?"

"You want me to have them fight each other?" Krieger asked.

"If you don't mind," Cyril sighed.

"Okay," Krieger shrugged. "If you can stand the carnage."

"I think we can survive it," Cyril sighed.

"What are you **saying**?" Archer was shocked.

"Wait for it," Ray sighed.

"Krieger Bots!" Krieger called out. "Prepare for battle!"

The Krieger Bots immediately shifted into a fighting stance. "Begin!" Krieger called out.

"Shooom!" One cried out.

"Shoom!" A second one shouted.

"Shoooooooooooom!" The third one called out.

"Shoooom! SHOOOOOM! SHOOOM!" The Krieger Bots were doing kung fu movies all over. But none of them were touching each other.

"Oh right," Archer snickered. "What was I **thinking**?"

"Shooom! Shoooooooooooooooooom! SHOOOOOM!"

"Wow Krieger," Archer remarked at the spectacle. "You really raised the bar on this one."

"Makes me feel like **going to** a bar because of this one," Cyril groaned.

"Shooom! Shoooom! Shoooooo-ooooom!"

"It's like watching a very gay version of Westworld," Ray blinked. "And that's **me** saying that!"

"More like Westworld Meets Eastworld," Archer remarked.

"It's almost hypnotic," Lana remarked at the sight.

"Shooom! Shooom! Shooooooooooooom!"

"And to think…" Cyril sighed. "I had such high hopes for this agency."

"Right now I'm just hoping to **get high** at this agency," Ray quipped.

"It would really make this more interesting I have to admit," Archer snorted.

"Shooom!"

"Not that this isn't entertaining sober," Archer snorted.

"You're actually **sober?** " Lana asked.

"Sober-ish," Archer shrugged. "What? I only had a couple of glasses of scotch when I got to work. And some vodka. A mini bottle of crème de coco. Oh and I did Irish up my coffee. With some Scotch. Isn't it funny how Irishing up a cup of coffee is best done with **Scotch**?"

"Hilarious," Cyril sighed as he drank some scotch. "I think in this case I'll just skip the coffee."

"SHOOM!"

"SHOOOOOOM!"

"SHOOOM!"

"That's actually not a bad idea," Archer remarked.

"SHOOOM!"

"In hindsight being worried about the Krieger Bots was a little stupid," Archer remarked.

"You **think**?" Lana asked.

"Shooom!"

"I guess they could be useful," Lana shrugged.

"If we ever get attacked by mimes or hemophiliac ninjas I guess we're safe," Archer surmised.

"Shooom!"

"Milton is more dangerous than these guys," Ray grumbled.

"Oh my God you're right," Archer realized.

"SHOOOM! SHOOM! SHOOM!"

"SHOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"What fresh hell is going on **now?** " Mallory groaned as she walked in.

"Archer wanted to know if my Krieger Bots were dangerous," Krieger explained.

"SHOOOM!"

"SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"Seriously?" Mallory gave her son a look.

"Okay in hindsight I realize that was a stupid question!" Archer groaned.

"Shooooooooom!"

"You **think**?" Mallory snapped. "What is this? A rehearsal for Go Westworld? The theme song for the Village Idiot People?"

"Getting a lot of mileage out of that reference," Krieger grumbled.

"Shooooom!"

"Shooooooom!"

"As if I needed **another reason** to drink," Mallory groaned.

"Since when do you ever need a reason?" Ray asked.

"SHOOOOM! SHOOOOM!"

"You have to admit this is a good one," Cyril sighed as the Krieger Bots did their kung fu around the room.

"As enjoyable as it is watching the Kung Fools fighting…" Mallory groaned. "GET THEM OUT OF HERE!"

"Cheeze it guys!" Krieger shouted. The Krieger Bots stopped and ran out of the room.

"Once again Krieger…" Ray sighed. "You've raised the bar."

"Krieger you know the only reason I'm allowing you to keep those abominations is that they're cheaper than hiring a cleaning staff, right?" Mallory asked. "And honestly they do a lot better job."

"Yeah they got out that bloodstain that's been in the hall for weeks," Ray said.

"I **did** notice that!" Mallory said. "Say do they do laundry?"

"Who do you think cleans my lab coats?" Krieger asked.

"Huh what do you know?" Mallory said. "For once something **useful** came out of your lab." She gave a disdainful look at Ray.

"You know…?" Ray gave her a look.

"Just keep them out of my sight so I can pretend they **don't exist!"** Mallory stormed out. "If only I could do the same with the rest of this lot!"


End file.
